My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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