Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In America we eat man semen.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
