When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
