Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
