I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
