My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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