Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
