I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
