U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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