when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
