NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
