So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
