That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
