My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
