Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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