He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think people are normalizing furries
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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