listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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