saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
