My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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