I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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