Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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