i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
