I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
