don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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