Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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