There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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