you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
