She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
