My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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