My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
