every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
