Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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