So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
