no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
