If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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