Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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