i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
