No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize