my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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