is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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