32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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