Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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