I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
