Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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