Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
