I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i will never coherently bang her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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