I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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