Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
