I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
