I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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