just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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