Sry I called you an 8
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my poor anus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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