I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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