Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
