Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
