True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We're too hungover to prance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
