the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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