Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
