I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize