dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
