If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize