So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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