Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
