just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
