Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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