You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
