this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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