I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize