if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
