Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
