Porn is love you can see.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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