Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
