Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
