The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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