Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
