I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
