just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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