Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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